• "Because of you I try harder, forgive sooner, give further, live simpler, thank easier, hope longer, love deeper and laugh louder"

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

In my daughters eyes....

I am a hero, I am strong and wise and I know no fear.
 But the truth is plain to see, she was sent to rescue me.
 I see who I want to be in my daughter's eyes.
 This miracle God gave to me gives me strength when I am weak,
                                                 I find reason to believe in my daughters eyes.
 In my daughters eyes, I can see the future.
 A reflection of who I am and what will be.
 Though she'll grow and someday leave, maybe raise a family
 When I'm gone I hope you'll see, how happy she made me
For I'll be there, in my daughters eyes.

A special thank you to Karina Orgill for capturing this time in my life. I am blessed to have a beautiful daughter. I am lucky to know the people I do and have the opportunities I have. I'm grateful to be a mother. I'm grateful for Addison and the way she sees the world and has changed my life. I love the way my daughter loves bubbles, running, and shaking her booty. I love how funny she thinks it is to tell me a secret. I love how excited she gets to do anything if I say it in the right tone. I love that at night she makes me give her 5 kisses and 5 hugs. I love that she doesn't see race, gender, social status or have any biases toward people. I love that she is full of love. I love watching this little girl grow and can't wait to continue to see the woman she will become. "The truth is plain to see, she was sent to rescue me, I see who I want to be, in my daughter's eyes."

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I'm a Single Mom and It's OK

I'm writing this post today because I feel like there are some very beautiful single mothers (or even not single, just mothers) in my life that are going through a hard time. Being a mom is tough enough, facing challenges while keeping a "happy face" can sometimes be nearly impossible. So here is what I want to say:

This past year and a half has been full of challenges for me and Addi. We moved out of my mom's house in January of 2010, I started my full time job at an accounting firm and Addi started pre-school near my work. We moved to Corona, which is not the nicest place, and commuted over 2 hours a day to get to work and school. Addi went through two DVD players and my car took such a beating I ended up with a new one half way through the year. In January of 2011 we moved a little closer to our new home in Laguna Hills. Now our drive is about ten minutes, but I work more hours and Addi has homework, so again it seems like we are always on the go.

I've watched myself change from a fun, outgoing, partying - tons of friends chick, to a yell, scream, cry, clean, cook and prepare tax returns kinda lady. Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder how I got this way or who would want me now and here's the answer: Addison.

Life is hard, it's easier for some and even harder for others, I have been through a living hell with some of the experiences that have gotten me and Addi to where we are. I have felt lost, lonely, depressed, crazy, angry, irrate and even worthless at times. I have had some of my darkest moments trying to manage the hardships of being a single mom. When you plan something fun to do with your child after a long week of work and they complain and whine so much that it turns into a screaming match where you both loose and end up in tears... or when you finally get a little bit of extra money and it's time to buy yourself some new clothes becuase everything you own either doesn't fit your fat ass or has holes in it, then your daughter needs to register for school, or REALLY wants to be in sports class, or you have to pay a bill that someone else missed. Life is hard. So, sometimes I wonder why should I continue, why go on, what's the point, it's not getting better. Here's the answer: Addison.

You see, when I was 20 and partying way too hard, doing a million things I shouldn't, and failing out of school, not really giving a damn, I got what I thought was going to be the worst thing that could ever happen to me: a postivie pregnancy test. But really, she saved me. Because of her I've graduated from school, because of her I care more about everyone, because of her I'm who I am today. So inspite of how I've changed, or how my life didn't end up the way I thought, I was given a gift and no matter what I have to do to raise a her right and give her everything she could ever imagine in life I will.

For the first three years of her life all I could think about was how she needed a dad, she should have two parents, her father and I should make this work or I should find someone else. It was my focus. It effected my mood, my friendships, my relationships, my mothering. I have finally realized now that I am a single mother. My daughter has a mother that is strong enough to be both parents, I am strong enough that God sent me a beautiful daughter to raise knowing that I could do. God does not give us challenges we cannot bear. He would not have given me the sweet child I have if I could not be a mother and a father. I'm a single mom and it is ok. Why? Because I love Addison.

So, to my friends who are struggling you know who you are: STOP. Stop trying to change others, stop trying to find someone else to complete your family, stop trying to criticize everything you do, stop putting yourself down and stop wondering when your life will begin. You are a beautiful mother. You have beautiful children. God knows you are enough or this challenge would not be one you would have to bear. Fight for yourself, not for someone else. Fight to live. Live for your children. Forget about people that drag you down and STOP dragging yourself down. You are better than that. If you could stop and see yourself the way your children see you, you'd see the most incredible woman in the world. You'd see their mother. I love you, and I am always here. I have felt the pain you feel, and I will be with you through all your hard times and all the happy ones that are yet to come. And they will. I promise you they will.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Goodbye 2010, Welcome 2011

2010 was such a CRAZY year. It was probably the most eventful year that I've had since Addi was born! It started out with my baby girl turning THREE. She is growing up so fast and learning more and more everyday. She had a big princess birthday party with all her friends in Claremont, right before we moved to Corona.
In January 2010, Addi and I moved out of my parents house, to our first home together in Corona. I started my full time job at Kieckhafer, Schiffer and Company as a Tax Accountant and Addi started preschool at Tutor Time in Irvine.
We've had a lot of fun in our apartment in Corona.
One of my best friends, Renee, got a job at KS&Co with me! It's been great to work with a close friend, and not to mention she's smart and makes my life easier! We've had a lot of good times this year, including the night she met her fiance, Gavin.
My baby sister, Katie, got married this year too! In June, she married her boyfriend of over 3 years, in the Newport Beach Temple. (How they stayed Temple worthy for 3 years is beyond me! LOL!) It was a beautiful wedding and a whole lot of fun. They had already adopted TWO Puppies that they call their kids and we see them as much as they can! I'm sure they are going to have a great year....more news to come!
Addi was the most beautiful flower girl in the world, and I'm pretty sure she gets it from me! HA HA HA! JK!
My oldest sister, Shelly, came out to visit this summer with her family. It was so much fun. Addi loves her cousins so much and I wish they lived closer, or I had more money to go visit them!
One of the biggest things that happened this year, was Quinn and I resolving our differences. It's taken nearly 7 years for him and I to see eye to eye. I'm very thankful to have him as my daughter's father. I know we've had our fair share of problems and drama, and I'm sure we'll have issues in the future, but I'm so glad that we were able to put the past in the past and move forward.
Addi got to see lots of friends this year too! My friend Alyssa came to visit with her boys, and Tara came down too! (Sorry Tara, I tried to add the pic of Addi with Marek, but my computer wouldn't load it!) I miss my girls from Utah SO MUCH. I wish that we all lived on the same street and our kids could all grow up together. Time definitely changes things, but there is nothing like girlfriends. No matter how long it's been since you've last seen each other, somehow it always just picks up right where it left off. I'm so thankful for all my girls. I wouldn't make it through this life without them.
This year Addi and I were lucky enough to meet some AMAZING new friends. One of the directors and the kindergarten teacher at Addi's school are single moms of beautiful, sweet and funny little girls. We get together at least once a week and the girls play while the mommy's chat! It's so much fun and it's been great to have friends that are going through the same things that I am. I love them so much and truely feel blessed that they are in my life. Best part: we all have disneyland season passes!

This year definitely brought it's fair share of challenges and accomplishments, tears and triumphs, failures and successes. I have so many things left to accomplish in life and I can't wait for this year to be a great one!
So Happy New Year Everyone! I'm posting my New Years Resolutions so that I actually have to stick to them since they are public information.
  1. Pay off half of my credit card debt
  2. Pass two parts of the CPA exam
  3. Take Addi to Monterey
  4. Lose 10 pounds a month
  5. Spend atleast one night a week doing something absolutely fun with Addi, with no distractions.
  6. Scrapbook more. Atleast finish through year two of Addi's life.
  7. Smile more.... I'd like to not be such a witch, with a B, this year!
I think 7 resolutions is PLENTY! Hopefully I can keep every single one! (Maybe not so much #7, HA HA HA!)

With that, I'm definitely excited to say goodbye to 2010. I can't wait for this year to bring GREAT THING to me and Addi. I love you all and I hope 2011 is the best year of your life :)

Monday, January 10, 2011


Merry Christmas! I can't believe this was Addi's fourth Christmas! Time sure flies. This Christmas was SO MUCH FUN! She was so excited about Santa coming to visit!

On Christmas Eve we had dinner at my moms and Addi got to open her new Christmas pajamas.
My sis was there with her kids too "Kali"
And "Oakley"
And this is my mom and George's new baby, Abbey! She is not quite a baby anymore!
And it just wouldn't be Christmas Eve without family games! We taught Addi spoons! She has a really cool mom that always made sure she got a spoon!
Santa DEFINITELY CAME! Addi got spoiled! She didn't even know where to start!
She was SO EXCITED to get her princess bike with a seat for her baby!
To complete her plush doll collection: Snow Whilte and Rapunzel! She has all the princesses, they have overtaken her tiny toddler bed!
Rapunzel Dress and even the long hair!

One of the benefits of living in Cali is that when you get a bike for Christmas, it's nice and sunny and you can go right outside and ride it!
The absolute best part of the day was the whole family taking turns at Michael Jackson: The Experience on the WII. Addi was pretty good, I was AWESOME, the rest of my family was hilarious!
We are so blessed! It was such a fun Christmas. I can't even explain how much fun it was to celebrate Christmas with Addi this year! She is such an amazing and spirited little girl. She can make anything and everything the most exciting thing in the world. I am such a blessed person to have an amazing family and a beautiful little girl.

I hope you all had an amazing and blessed Christmas.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Christmas at Disneyland

Right before Christmas we got to go to Disneyland with our friends! It was so much fun! It  was 80 degrees in December. I don't think I ever remember seeing Santa as a kid when I was wearing shorts!
The girls all wanted smoothies! It was SO HOT OUTSIDE!!! 
 Jack Skelington! Ella LOVED this ride. Addi and Aubree were terrified of the Haunted Mansion!
 Dancing at the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse show!
It's tough to be a bug!  
Addi's first time meeting Jesse and Woody! SO EXCITING! 
And of course, the main event- SANTA!  

Living in Southern California is so much fun! There is always so much to do and we are so blessed to be able to do it, and have great friends to go with us.

Fun Christmas Activities

This Christmas season we did SO MANY fun and exciting activities to help us celebrate Christmas. Here are just a few of our activities!

When my brother was in town we went and saw some lights in Riverside and Santa!
 I love this picture! Addi is so beautiful! She looks so cute in a beanie! I'm jealous!
 We went to the annual church Nativity show at my Stake Center and saw tons of Nativity scenes and Addi got to dress up and play the part of Mary. It was really awesome to teach her the story this year and have her remember that we celebrate Jesus at Christmas!

 Addi had a school Christmas program! It was SO CUTE! My whole family came down for it and I was so thankful for their support. Addi learned so many songs and it was so adorable to see her participate in her first Christmas program!

 These are Addi's little boyfriends. Atleast, that's what she tells me. "Jamison and Jack are my boyfriends, I'm going to marry Jack first and then STROLL to Jamison." Oh my heck, I'm in SO MUCH TROUBLE!
 We also got to spend a lot of time with our friends from school Autumn, Ella, Amber and Aubree. I'm so thankful for this new friendship we've found this year. Autumn and Amber are great moms and it's been so fun having people to relate to. And the girls get a long GREAT!